The ₿ible ⏎ Acts I – The Acts of the HODLers ⏎ “They did not leave. They bought more.”
By Eric · Updated October 17, 2026
Satire and commentary: names and likenesses are used for parody, and nothing here is a statement of fact about real people. Sourced facts are in the sections below.
1:1 After Satoshi departed, the disciples did not scatter. They each made a wallet, ran their own nodes, and spread the gospel far and wide.
1:2 The word HODL began as a mistake, but the faithful turned it into a philosophy. Their hands did not sell. Their hearts did not waver.
“They watched not the price, but the block.”
Acts of the HODLers 1:2
1:3 Through storms and crashes, the apostles held fast. They checked transactions daily, offered prayers with each new block, and evangelized with memes.
1:4 In the land of El Salvador, ₿ became legal tender. Some companies locked it in vaults. The apostles marched the gospel into the halls of traditional finance.
1:5 Yet trials still came upon them— regulations, taxes, bans, censorship, scams. But they cried out: “We shall not leave. ₿ is our faith. Decentralization is our prayer.”
1:6 Their faith was renewed every 10 minutes. Every block recorded their journey. Each day, they found themselves again in the story of ₿.
1:7 And they declared: “We have become the bank. We are the nodes. We are the living legacy of Satoshi.”
In plain words: what this means
The scripture is satire. Checked on October 18, 2026.
What checks out
The chapter mixes community folklore with a few checkable ideas. Bitcoin.org describes a full node as software that validates transactions and blocks. Many full nodes also relay them to other nodes (Bitcoin.org: Running a Full Node). That is a real, practical version of “we are the nodes.” It does not mean every holder runs one or checks a block every day.
The “every 10 minutes” line is a target average, not a drumbeat. Bitcoin.org's FAQ says mining difficulty aims to keep the average block time at ten minutes (Bitcoin.org: FAQ). Individual blocks can arrive sooner or later.
El Salvador did adopt Bitcoin as legal tender in 2021, but that summary needs an update. The IMF's 2025 country report describes amendments that made private-sector acceptance voluntary and removed the public and private sector's obligation to accept Bitcoin in transactions (IMF Country Report No. 25/58). The old one-line version leaves out a meaningful change.
What needs a footnote
“After Satoshi departed,” disciples making wallets, and their hearts never wavering are storybook scenes. The text provides no evidence about what all holders did or felt. “Regulations, taxes, bans, censorship, scams” is a broad list, not a claim tied to one place or event. The claim that every block records “their journey” is poetic, not a record of users' identities or motives.
The chapter's “we have become the bank” line is a slogan. Running a node validates Bitcoin's rules; it does not automatically make its operator a bank, protect every wallet, or make every payment private. The chapter's legal-tender wording refers to the earlier policy, not a complete account of later law.