1:1 Jeremiah stood in the wilderness of the blockchain And saw those crying out for altcoins, Each boasting their own chain, Building centralized kingdoms in the name of decentralization.
1:2 And he cried out:
“Ethereum is clever, But on the day of judgment, it shall burn in gas fees.” “Dogecoin brings laughter, But shall vanish, having lost all seriousness.” “Luna shone bright, But its shell was hollow.”
1:3 Jeremiah was the voice of the Maxis. He proclaimed ₿ as the only path, Argued endlessly with the followers of other chains, And declared:
“There is no salvation outside ₿.”
1:4 He was mocked: “Too conservative,” they said. “Too closed-minded.” But he answered:
“I am not conservative— I am simply avoiding ruin.”
2:1 Even as scam projects soared to the heavens, He never opened his wallet. He never sold his ₿. He recited his seed phrase daily. His node ran 24 hours without fail.
2:2 And Jeremiah warned:
“You worshipped ETH, But shall be consumed by the fire of fees.” “You loved NFTs, But shall be blown away by the wind of rug pulls.” “You trusted in memes, But faith cannot be built on memes.”
2:3 Jeremiah wept:
“You followed the pump, But lost your value. You chased speed, But sacrificed security.”
“The slowest chain Was the safest. The oldest chain Is the one still alive.”
Jeremiah of Maximalism 2:3
2:4 And his final testament was this:
“I leave you no altcoins. I leave you only one inheritance: ₿.”
In plain words: what this means
The scripture is satire. Its prophet is a fictional voice for one side of crypto arguments. Checked on October 18, 2026.
What checks out
The chapter's technical references can be translated without accepting its sermon. Bitcoin's own FAQ says blocks target an average interval of ten minutes, not an exact timer (Bitcoin.org: FAQ). It also says nodes reject blocks that violate Bitcoin's rules. That is a protocol statement, not proof that Bitcoin is “the only path” or that it is safest for every person and purpose.
Ethereum's official developer docs describe smart contracts as programs running on Ethereum and note that users pay fees for computation (Ethereum.org: Smart contracts). The chapter's “gas fees” line points to a real feature, but it turns a variable network cost into a punchline. Dogecoin's official history says it began as a joke in late 2013 (Dogecoin: History). A joke origin does not settle what the project is worth or what its community means to people.
What needs a footnote
“Ethereum shall burn,” “Dogecoin shall vanish,” “the slowest chain was the safest,” and “there is no salvation outside Bitcoin” are opinions or predictions. They are not established by protocol documentation. The lines about the prophet never selling, reciting a seed phrase daily, and running a node without fail describe an invented character. They are not facts about real users, and reciting a seed phrase aloud would be a poor security habit.
The chapter says the prophet avoided ruin and warns of scams, but it does not identify a specific project, transaction, or court finding. A broad warning cannot prove that all non-Bitcoin projects are scams. Readers should treat the piece as maximalist satire, not as technical comparison or investment guidance.